And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My feet surprised me
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