i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize