Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
