My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's a Shit stain on my heart
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
