yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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