I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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