i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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