I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
