thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
