direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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