Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?