I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I deserve this hangover.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
