Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
