well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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