SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
high people should be assigned attendants
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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