Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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