my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
