You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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