ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
