the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
