last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
