so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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