I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
