Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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