dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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