i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
