I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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