This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
