it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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