I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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