i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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