I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
