ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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