life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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