She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
