Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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