i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
