jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
