My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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