we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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