I want you more than these girls want KFC
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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