wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
