got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is this making any sense, because Iβm puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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