your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
