Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
