do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
