He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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