Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
