Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
