just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
