College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
