Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
