the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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