im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
