her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
