Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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