and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
