i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
