don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize