we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
