I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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