a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
