I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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