Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
