Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
