i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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